Complicated
by TheProject
Summary: Number two in the 100 Theme Challenge that I finally jumped on. Cat feels like she doesn't think like the average girl, so she tries to keep it under cover. But sometimes things just bring the thinking back after trying so hard to hide from it.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious. And if I ever reached the age/amount of money where I was old/rich enough to own it, the show would most likely be finished by then.**

_**Two: Complicated**_

It happened when you were seven years old. You were at daycare, you recall now, and you were in pretty much the only blind spot in the whole three acres of land. If one followed the long wooden fence that seemed to lead to nowhere, they would eventually reach where the fence would stop being vertical, and at a ninety-degree angle, would suddenly become horizontal. And if one would slip through the fence's gaps, they would come into a wooded area that was fairly difficult to see through.

You did it once, and only once, despite the rumors that a monster who liked to eat little girls named 'Cat' lived there. You did it once with your best friend Michelle.

You and Michelle were silent when you went through the woods. About ten minutes in, Michelle finally stopped, crouching behind a bush and holding a small finger to her lips, motioning for you not to make a word. "Do you want to play a game?"

You liked games, so you nodded.

And Michelle planted her lips on yours. Your head suddenly spun, and all you could think about was your mother, who would be so mad. "Girls are only supposed to kiss boys," she would say to you for as long as you could remember. You wondered why there were rules to kissing. If you liked someone, you should kiss. There shouldn't be any rules to follow.

And you liked Michelle, but you didn't _like-like_ her; you didn't like her enough to kiss her on the mouth. And you tried so hard not to enjoy the pressure on your mouth; you tried not to enjoy her hot breath on your lips when she pulled away, but you did. Because you didn't think like other little girls did, you supposed. Other little girls wanted to kiss other little boys.

You guessed that Michelle didn't think like other little girls did, either.

You smiled against her lips when she kissed you again. When she pulled away this time, though, she held you by the wrist, and pulled you out of the forest. "You can't talk about that, okay?" Michelle whispered, almost to herself, and tightened her grip on you. "Okay, Cat?"

"Okay," you nodded.

You never played that game with Michelle again. So you never addressed your complicated way of thinking again.

So years later, when you were in high school, when your complicated way of thinking came back, it kind of shocked you.

"Let's play a game," Andre said.

You liked games, so you nodded.

"Truth or Dare?" Tori asked, and your group of friends all agreed. You all sat in a circle, or what could be charitably called a circle. You began to daydream about your favorite snack, bibble, as the game dragged on, until you heard your name.

"Cat," Trina said, looking you straight in the eye. You wondered why she was even there with your group of friends. You liked Trina enough, but you never really considered her to be a friend. "Truth or Dare?"

You clapped your hands together, thinking. You didn't have anything to confess to, really. You tell your friends everything that was obvious and cliché. Who you had a crush on at the time, if you had your first kiss or not. So the choice that made the most sense was 'dare'. "Dare," you said, and your friends made an 'ooo-ing' sound as their head swiveled to Trina, waiting for her to dare you.

"I dare you…to kiss Jade."

"Pass," You said right away, fearing that your complicated way of thinking would rear its ugly head if you even came close to kissing a girl again. You didn't want your head to hurt again. Jade looked pained for a quick second, as if she were insulted that you didn't want to kiss her. You wish you could tell her that it wasn't anything personal, but that would bring up your complicated way of thinking, too.

"No passing," Beck said, brushing his fingers through his hair.

You tried to swallow your spit, but your throat was suddenly dry, and your face suddenly was hot, and everything suddenly felt too small. You quickly became a claustrophobe as you crawled closer to Jade on all fours. Everyone was silent and their eyes were glued to your face as your nose touched hers. Her breath was hot on your mouth, and then that feeling was back, the feeling that you got when you were seven years old and were in the wooded area of your daycare with Michelle.

Jade placed her lips on yours and you were disgusted with yourself as your eyes rolled upwards in ecstasy. You pried her lips open with your own before slipping your tongue in, licking the roof of her mouth. She gasped and you slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer and tilting your head to get more of her.

You tried. You really, _really_ tried not to enjoy it. But you did, and you wondered why you enjoyed it so much when you were supposed to be kissing boys and enjoying that, like your mother preached to you, day after day. The thought that kissing shouldn't have rules returned as Jade pulled away from you, breathing heavily on your neck, refusing to look at you. You tried to stop those thoughts as you took a glance at her face; it was beet red and she was panting.

"Damn, Cat, I said kiss, not make out." Trina stated, being the first one to talk. You looked up at your friends and their jaws were all hanging, mouth open. Tori was blushing and all of the boys had their legs awkwardly crossed. You frowned, wondering why kissing a girl was such a problem, and your head started to hurt, so you tried to get rid of your complicated way of thinking _again_.

You looked back at Jade and she was finally looking back at you with her fierce green eyes. Her dark lips were parted, and you suddenly wanted her lips again, but you kept that to yourself. Jade placed a hand on your leg and squeezed before getting up and excusing herself to the bathroom.

You crawled back into your part of the circle silently, feeling ashamed in yourself for kissing a girl again, even though your mother told you not to.

"U-um, Robbie, Truth or Dare?" Beck asked, obviously uncomfortable, starting up the game again. So you curled into a little ball as Robbie said 'truth' and sunk back into your complicated way of thinking.

**Well, I hope you enjoyed it. This was for the 100 Theme Challenge and I did number two: complicated. This was fun to write, it was a fun view to write in. Reviews are always appreciated~**

**Have a lovely day and thank you for reading 3**


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